Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
