I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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