I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
