Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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