And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
They are going to name an STD after you.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
