I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
