It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
