Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
