My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
