This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
