I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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