So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He passed out mid-signature
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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