they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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