ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
