Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
