I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
