I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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