me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
