Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
