You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
