I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
