when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
