I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
