He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
