Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
