my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
