it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
