You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
