why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
