just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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