I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
