When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
