First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
