rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
