Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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