I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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