i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
