I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
