He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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