Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
