i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
