White coat. Heels.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
