didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
