If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
