That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
