Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
