I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
