There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
