I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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