I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
