dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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