apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
