do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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