I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
